A Beginner’s Guide to Travelling On a Local Train

You’ll Need: One handkerchief (a must), 3 one rupee coins, one 10 rupee note, plenty of cash, headphones, empty purse

Step 1: Buy your ticket

If you have ever come across a joke like the one below and believe that this really works, you are in for trouble.

Engineers may be smarter than accountants. But Ticket Collectors are smarter still (in India!).

Step 2: Reserve thy seat

This is where your most precious item comes into play. Even before the train stops or the doors of the compartment open, drop in your kerchief on your favourite window seat. Now, not even Sheldon can move you from your seat!

Step 3a: Put on your headphones

Whether you wish to listen to Pink Floyd, Jagjit Singh or Enrique is your choice. But putting on headphones is a must. This will help you ignore all the low-profile scums and beggars that come along.

There will be surprises. Don’t panic. You cannot ignore little girls coming with harmless snakes in round boxes to be opened at the right moment (Pandora’s Box!?). Use your first lifeline. 1st one rupee coin. You have only 3 lifelines. So take utmost care while using them.

Step 3b: Take off your glasses

If you happen to be among the self-evident geeks with big spectacles on your nose, better take them off once seated. That way they cannot be kidnapped for ransom. In the worst possible case, use your 10 rupee note.

Step 3c: Know thy train

For more details, look up extension of joke above.

SPOILER (highlight to reveal): On another trip on a local train, the engineers buy 3 tickets and the accountants buy no ticket. Guess who is smarter?

Step 4: Follow the herd

Be ready before your station arrives. Once the train arrives, do not hesitate. Do not think. Just follow the herd.

Durga Puja @Kolkata: My 5

Shubho Bijoya/Happy Vijayadashami to all my esteemed readers. It may be a tad late but better late than never.

This Durga Puja was a special one for me as it was the first time I went Pandal hopping in the heart of the festival: in Kolkata. The list of Mandaps are endless and what I could cover is but a small fraction of the humongous number of Pandals in the city. My list is by no means comprehensive or the final word. However, it does offer a sneak peak into this wonderful festival.

The Third Eye

If there is one thing that Bollywood can learn from these Pujo Mandaps are how to not run out of ideas. From Mandaps made of Spoons, Gamchas (Towels!) to thatched roofed ones, the Mandaps had left no stone unturned. But this one according to me was the mother of all! The third eye representing knowledge encompassing everything else.

Writer’s Building

This is a Mandap with a mission. The catchphrase - ‘Dori Dhore Maro Taan/Raja Hobe Khaan Khaan’ is a clarion call to all the people of Bengal to bring in a change at the Writer’s building: the seat of power of the government. Looking at the enormous structure, one really wonders how much money was spent on this to gain the requisite political leverage!

Para Pujo

With the theme of Para (locality) Pujo, this Mandap was wonderfully decorated. Visiting it during the evening added to the charm. The lighting and the props used for the Mandap were amazing. All the buildings around the Mandaps had been decorated. It wasn’t just the Durga idol but the overall atmosphere that in itself was electrifying (literally! they used electric diyas instead of traditional oil diyas!).

The 10 Hands!

This one was a little hatke. The asura (demon) was in the center with 10 hands attacking it from all directions. Although there was a regular Murti as well at the same place, this was the cynosure of all eyes.

Didi’s Creation

How could I leave this one? Conceptualized by the highly evolved mind of Mamata Banerjee, this was a Mandap with a message. What message? God knows! The Mandap itself in the form of an igloo/planetarium was an outlier. So why did it make it to my list? Because it was an outlier.

Others That Almost Made It

PS: There were many others: Mudiyali Club, College Square, Shib Mandir etc. etc. The big crowd didn’t permit stable photos (with all the pushing and stuff!) of those Pandals. My legs really hurt with all the walking. But it was a good experience!

Movie Review: Dabangg

Dabangg is not one of the regular lovey-dovey romantic type movies that are churned out every now and then by the Indian film industry in Bollywood. High on style quotient and in every manner of word, Dabangg: fearless, this is definitely one of those movies that you must add on top of your must-watch list.

To start with, I was tempted to draw parallels of the movie with The Matrix (dodging stuff!) and Sherlock Holmes (look at the final fighting scene in the trailer: ditto Sherlock Holmes), but after getting warmed up to the movie, one realizes that this movie is much above all that. This movie is going to have a cult following in its own right.

Some of the dialogues in the movie for instance are hilarious (हम तुममे इतने छेद कर देंगे कि पता नहीं चलेगा कि साँस कहाँ से ले और पादे कहाँ से) and really gives you the feel of a देसी "Made in India" (not one of those imported ones that you can find if you walk into any cinema hall these days) movie. Salman Khan embraces the character of Chulbul Pandey aka "Robin Hood" Pandey with ease what with the narrow moustache and the sunglasses which he puts behind his neck जिससे आगे भी और पीछे भी नज़र रहे. 

The accelerated/decelerated camera frames, the panning of the camera and the the background music playing whenever Salman Khan is in a scene that demands some amount of studappa really adds to the zing in the movie. And how can one forget the dance scenes with some amazing lighting (Diwali style? notice the expanding hearts on Salman Khan’s glasses!) and refreshingly unorthodox dance moves (How they move their belts?!) that are unlike any other Bollywood movie in recent memory.

One is so enraptured by the antiques of Chulbul that one really doesn’t seem to notice much of the plot. One does find surprises along the way, not many of course but a few small ones for sure (the death of Chulbul’s mother for instance or the Mango box which very innocuously seemed nothing but a box full of mangoes!). 

Content-wise it wouldn’t possibly add up to much, but it is a movie with some class and some Masala. This isn’t a movie for the film critique to analyse an intricately woven plot. But a movie for the masses that is fun-packed, low on Funda but surely full of clean, pure entertainment! Go, watch it!

OP a la Control Systems

Disclaimer: This isn’t meant to be a technically sound post. Any similarity with electrical devices either existent or non-existent is purely coincidental. The author of this post is not to be held responsible for any content that is either a result of frustrating lab sessions or somnolent lectures.

 

Actuators: I remember the first time I was in the common room. The GSecs introduced themselves. The Warden was there. And then it all started. Everything was set into motion. Who are the actuators? We all know!

 

Motors: I always wondered why second years always did the brunt work. Whether it was making the diyas for Illu, winning the GC or shifting rooms, everything was done by the 2nd years. Then I realized it is all part of a system: a control system.

 

Feedback: Now this is where things get interesting. The unique thing about OP in Nehru Hall is that it is a closed loop system. Not an open loop like in many other halls. If things got bad, OP stopped for a day or two and then the 2nd years themselves went and pleaded their seniors to start things again. Perfect mechanism!

 

Reference: We had 3 common room meetings every week which ran for a duration of 3 hours each. This is the minimum expected of you to become a Nehruite!

 

(Pressure) Sensors: “Was it too much or anything? This is for your own good.” “No sir, peace. Only xyz seemed to be under some amount of load. (Resistive, capacitive & inductive behaviour all taken into account) ”

 

System Output: Nehruite!

 

Note: If some things didn’t make sense, consider it like a 2 port network. All you are concerned about is the input (a non-Nehruite), the output (a Nehruite) and the transfer function (tempo).

A Dozen Ways To Spruce Up Your Summer Vacations

This is the toughest time of the year. 2 and a half months of languor now coming to a full stop. It all started with euphoria, turning to ennui and now ending with a sense of wistful longing.

It has been a wonderful summer for half a dozen reasons.

For one, I could get back to playing Squash after a long long time (Yeah! Kgp has no squash court and half the IITians don't know that such a game exists. One more reason to detest IITs!?).

Secondly, I could get back to doing what I loved doing most. Reading books. And what better way to spend your vacation than in the company of Joseph Keller, J.D. Salinger, Michael Crichton and the like.

Thirdly, I took this as an opportunity to refuel myself with all the good food that I could get my hands on: Chinese, Italian, authentic Mallu fish curry and Bengali Mach Jhol & Posto bhaath.

Fourthly, I discovered that gambling(?) isn't all that bad. An outhouse at Tambola fetched me not just 300 bucks but a flurry of 10 rupee notes so that I could become a bus conductor if I wanted to (Alternate profession?!).

Fifthly, I discovered the joy of meditating on the sea beach with nothing but the waves crashing against the rocks.

Sixthly, I can now do the one legged situps and use the swiss ball to do pushups in the gym (Beat that!).

Those of you who have been wondering what to do all summer and couldn't come up with something to do: there you are. Half a dozen ways to spruce up your summer vacation.

P.S: You might be inclined to think that bloggers like me are incorrigible narcissistic egocentric personalities. But this is just half of the dozen. The other half is yet to come! More in another post.

P.P.S: Ignore the P.S.

P.P.P.S: I love writing post-post-post scripts. [Nested{P}s?]

P.P.P.P.S: On second thoughts, how did you spend your vacations?! Leave your valuable thoughts as comments to this post.

P.P.P.P.P.S: That is 5 Ps!

55er: Was That A Nightmare?

My first attempt at any kind of fiction, let alone 55er. It reminds me of those good old days in Xth when we had 50 words as word limit for notices and messages. Exceed the limit by 1 or 2 words, -1/2. Exceed by more than 2 words, -1. It is 55 now. So let’s see.

***

Ramesh was in a fix. Physics was tomorrow and today is Hindi. Four chapters from literature! But he thought today was Physics! Why do they have Hindi in IITs?! Now only physics could rescue him. He sat down quietly and closed his eyes. As he opened his eyes, he was back in his room!

***

PS: That is what I call true teleportation.

PPS: If only they could use technology for such useful purposes. As an aside, why don’t they simply filter out the vuvuzela frequencies instead of banning it?

PPPS: Thank God they have no Hindi in IITs.

മൂന്നാര്::Munnar

As I looked up from the book, I could see rain all around. Tall trees towering around us. We were moving through the clouds. But no Velociraptors, Dilophosaurus or T.Rex. Thank God.

It seemed we were in for a dampener with the monsoons hitting the coast just as we planned to visit Munnar. The bad weather notwithstanding, we decided to continue.

Persistence always bears sweet fruits. The next day turned out to be much better. (Better weather == better photos && wonderful trip); The tea gardens around Munnar were wonderful. This is where the Kannan Devan brand of Tata comes from. If you happen to visit this place, don’t forget to drop by at the Tata Wholesale Outlet and take all the Tea & spices home.

You would find lots of waterfalls and lots of winding roads as in any other hill station. But what I was really looking for was being atop Anamudi. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be so and we had to settle for a peak that was 200 metres shy of Anamudi.

Apart from that, the echo point was pretty good. Never expected such a good echo with so less effort. I really wonder how the cows in hill stations always look wonderful. Such a contrast to the cows in the plains (Different cultures? Different races? Who knows?!)

Other than the cows, the other animal worth mention is the Nilgiri Tahr. Finding it near the mountain peak grazing in (almost!) herds was quiet a sight.

That was about it. Nice peaceful place to spend some time. No laptop. No TV. Just peace of mind.

As usual, I’ll leave you with some of the highs of the journey.

All photos courtesy Sony Cybershot (Click to enlarge).

	LEGEND 1 Tea Gardens 2 Echo Point 3 Cows 4 Bird’s Eye View 5 Winding Roads 6 Waterfalls 7 Rubber Plantation 8 Nilgiri Tahr 9 Jurassic Park